My name is Janice and I write to you from deepest Africa with the saddest of news...
I have just heard that my beloved cousin Ged, the hip-hopping
crowd-pleaser of Champion Hill and veritable idol to Danny Carr, Erhun Otzumer
and – most lately – Junior Kadi, has been reported missing to Brixton police by
his adoptive parents.
Worried sick, they telephoned me just last night with the story as they know it…
Three, that's the magic number
It seems Ged got a little high (and mighty) after Dulwich Hamlet's 3-0 victory over Whitstable the other weekend and decided to pop down the DogStar for a
celebratory tipple and a wiggle of his bandy old legs on the dancefloor.
Ged’s a mover and a shaker alright – I remember that well from
our youth back in the Serengeti. He could bust a caterpillar and pop a robot
like no other beast in that damn jungle.
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| The Dogstar, Brixton: Scene of the crime |
So, it seems he was similarly strutting his funky stuff at
3am in the Dog when some junked up hoodlums decided to make fun of his pink and
blue Dulwich Hamlet scarf. CCTV has captured the moment where they then chased Ged
into the street and set upon him with a bicycle chain and blow-torch. I can
only begin to imagine the utter terror poor Ged endured in those horrific
moments.
Throughout all this his parents were sleeping just moments
away and were unfortunately too drunk to be awoken by the violent animalistic
howls that careered around the streets of Brixton that soggy, angst-fuelled night.
A local drug dealer attempted to step in and offer the
aggressive youths some weed to chill but they were having none of it. A scuffle
with the dealer ensued for a brief moment before police arrived on the scene to
add significantly to the chaos.
 |
| On the run: Scarf-face |
All this mayhem did at least deter the hoodlums sufficiently
for Ged to make an escape route for himself. And so he galloped down Atlantic
Road, up the stairs to the train platform and along the tracks to what I can
only hope now was pure freedom.
Since then, there have been no further reported sightings.
I pray for Ged and hope he is only in hiding and shall
return again. Perhaps he is reading this now. If you are Ged, please contact
us. We miss you so much and just want to know you’re ok.
I know you’re as
fragile and sensitive to torment as you are embracing of pleasure, and so I
still believe you are out there somewhere Ged and shall return again to see
your beloved Dulwich Hamlet triumph over their arch-rivals T*****g, rise
gloriously above the Stones to the top of the league and, as has been your greatest
wish since you started supporting Gavin and his merry band of liquid
footballers… CARRY ON UP THE RYMAN!
#PrayForGed #dhfc #KadiIsKing
