My name is Ged. I have an unhealthy obsession with Turkish delight

Now, where do I start with this one? I'm a tad coy, you see. A tiny bit shy. Ok, sod it. I'll start with the fact that... I once heard a rumour.

Yes, a rumour that was all about a lovely little chap called Erhun Aksel Oztumer.

You don't know him?

Ok. Let me tell you a short tale of his footballing journey. He came all the way from Turkey, you see - where he used to play professionally for a wee while.


He came to play a most special, mercurial brand of football and, indeed, bring us a significant amount of happiness, excitement and joy.

Erhun is a diminutive little fella – he claims to be 5ft 3, but the terraces swear blind he's no more than 5'2. But I don't mind that. What's an inch between friends, eh? (Simmer down at the back there).

The only thing that matters is that he's pink and blue. And Gavin, God and all you crazy scouts out there, I beg of you just one thing, on behalf of all us lunatic fringe Hamlet fans and the Turkish Ultras alike... PLEASE DON'T TAKE MY ERHUN AWAY!

So, to summarise...

I heard a rumour

Erhun Oztumer

He came from Turkey

To bring us joy

He's 5ft 2

He's pink and blue

Oh please don't take

My Erhun away

Over and out... Carry on up the Ryman!

Keeping it Casual

I whooped with joy at the weekend. (Some say giraffes can't whoop and that they only snaffle and snuffle like a muffled horse, but they're wrong). So, why did I whoop? Well, a couple of reasons...

First of all, following the 2-2 derby day draw in my first Champion Hill game on Jan 1st, I witnessed my first Dulwich win on Saturday, thanks to their eventually-comfortable 3-0 demolition job of Corinthian-Casuals.

And secondly, it seems I made quite a name for myself on the terraces and in the dugouts, as the trickle of photographic evidence weaving its way around twitter this week suggests.

I must confess I had a spurt of the palpitations at one point when I thought the grumpy Corinthian-Casuals manager was going to knock my block off, but we all came out of it unscathed, a little tipsy and three points to the good.

Top of the table. Carry on up the Ryman!